Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Randomize
