My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
