My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
