Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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