i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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