just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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