she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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