I'm lost and stupid without you.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
