Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
