Can i not drive my cunt home
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
