So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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