he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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