I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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