sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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