Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize