I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
