I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
