His hands were made for my vagina.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
