all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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