i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
