I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
