Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I feel like a drive thru vagina
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize