You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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