When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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