i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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