i need an iv and a liver transplant
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Randomize
