yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
