I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
My cat gives me a boner
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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