I wish I could punch you in the face.
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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