It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize