Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
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