omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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