So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
