You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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