That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
