My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
