I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize