Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
