He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize