Cold hands, warm shart.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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