Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
