First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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