You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
