If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
