Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
