you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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