haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize