At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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