i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
