if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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