Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
