i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
It's blow job season.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
