Four minutes until I can fart!
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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