His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
there is puke in my bra ... again
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