You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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