and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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