There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Randomize
