If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
