This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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