Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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