My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Randomize
