Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
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