Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
