either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
