Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
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