so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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