a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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