Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
